Monday, August 16, 2010

Ill today

My day yesterday started out pretty good. I slept until 11 am and woke up to breakfast that consisted of over-easy eggs, three pieces of bacon, sliced tomatoes, sliced avocado, homemade hash browns and a slice sprouted grain toast. It was delicious. Michael went to work and I decided to clean house. Our plan after he got home from work was to go to the gym. We made it to the gym for a quickie and came home to cook supper.

I made a meat-loaf (with extra lean ground beef) with shredded carrot, basil, mushrooms, Melba toast crumbs, onions and garlic. I added sautéed onions, garlic, eggplant, mushrooms and a jalapeno pepper with a jar of pasta sauce and a can of tomatoes. This was served with whole wheat pasta. By the time it was ready I was super hungry. Keeping portion control in mind I served myself 1 cup pasta, ¾ cup sauce, and a small slice of meatloaf (I cannot find my camera battery charger so no picture this time, plus by the time it was ready I was ready to gobble it up). Knowing I have ‘issues’ with certain dairy, I never seem to learn my lesson, I sprinkled a handful of shredded mozzarella and cheddar onto my dish. I also added crushed chillies. Michael asked me what I wanted to drink; I said I wanted a glass of milk! As soon as we sat down to eat, I WOLFED down supper. It tasted AWESOME.

If there is one thing that I have learned during my weight loss endeavour is not to eat fast. Tricks include putting your fork down while chewing and chew thoroughly. Last night it was obvious that trick was thrown out the window. I felt grossly full. I wanted to die. I forced myself to do the dishes and tidy up and not lie down and watch TV. It was hard.

I went to bed feeling nauseous and awoke several times feeling ill. Once seven AM rolled around, I had a feeling it would be dangerous if I went into work. As I sit here typing, I contemplate my ‘issues’ with food and my weight, feelings of inadequacy surface. Although I have accomplished a few things so far, food and weight-loss is one thing I cannot seem to control and manage. Along with my digestive issues, I feel sad, depressed and discouraged. I am disappointed in myself for overeating and getting sick. I can sit here and lament my ‘woes’ or I can get up and get moving and get back to the land of the living. I am going to attempt a light workout at Shapes and hope for the best.

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